


Drown(ing in Amazing Food)

by impravidus



Series: Febuwhump 2020 [11]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Banter, Buzzfeed, Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Food, Food Porn, Humor, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Precious Peter Parker, Social Media, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Worth It, YouTube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:28:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22853980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impravidus/pseuds/impravidus
Summary: Buzzfeed's Worth It introduces a special Avengers Edition episode featuring Tony Stark (Iron Man) and Spider-Man
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Febuwhump 2020 [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1623634
Comments: 11
Kudos: 329
Collections: Social Media Fics





	Drown(ing in Amazing Food)

“Hi I’m Tony Stark—”

“And I’m Spider-Man—”

“And this is  _ Worth It: Avengers Edition. _ ”

The camera zooms in on Spider-Man. “Not sure why Buzzfeed let us do this, but I’ve just been such a huge fan of  _ Worth It _ and we both have wanted to try some of these crazy foods, and since I’m broke, and I’m friends with—”

“Friend is a very strong word—”

“Since I  _ know _ a billionaire, I asked if we could do it **,** and they said sure! So here we are!”

“Since we are both busy people, we will only be doing one reasonably priced item and one expensive item—”

“ _ But  _ that doesn’t mean we’re not gonna have a lot to say! So let’s get started with our first dish!”

The camera cuts to leaning against a graffiti covered wall. “We are starting with a lovely breakfast,” Tony says.

“Omelettes!” Spider-Man exclaims excitedly. “When life gives you eggs you gotta make that om-om-om, om-om-om, om-om-om omelette!” Spider-Man looks to Tony as he waits for a reaction.  “Really? Nothing?  _ Something Rotten! _ You know!”

“No, I don’t know.” He turns back to the camera. “Anyways. Sunrise Sandy’s. This omelette selection has everything you could ever want in an omelette. Let’s go talk to Sandy herself!”

Cut to Tony and Spider-Man standing in a noisy kitchen. A woman with her dirty blonde hair in a ponytail, a pastel purple sweater, and apron with sunny side up eggs with heart shaped yolks stands with them.

“So, Sandy, tell us about your omelette.”

“Our five dollar omelette has become a staple for Sunrise Sandy’s. We offer everything from ham to bacon to steak for meats and have a rainbow of vegetables to choose from. I came up with this build-your-own-omelette idea when I was in middle school when I was trying to spice up my mornings.”

“Wow! You’ve been cooking since you were in middle school?” Spider-Man asks.

“From even before that, actually! I just wasn’t allowed to use the stove by myself until I was twelve.” She leads them to the menu. “So, let’s start building your omelettes.”

Cut to Tony and Spider-Man sitting at a table.

“So,” Tony starts, “I got an omelette with gruyere cheese, steak, tomato, caramelized onion, spinach, mushrooms, and bell peppers.”

“Like the old person he is,” Spider-Man quips. 

“Hey!”

“And I got cheddar, ham, tomato, spinach, and bacon.”

“You can choose whatever you want on an omelette and you choose that?” Tony asks.

“I am a simple man.” He turns to the camera. “Bone apple teeth!” Spider-Man pulls up his mask to his nose, showing off his light skin, strong jaw and (fake) stubble. He nods slowly. “This is it. This is simply the best way to start your day.”

“The seasoning on the vegetables is subtle but still packs a real punch. Really amazing,” Tony adds.

“What a great way to start our video and day. Off to the next stop!”

Cut to Tony and Spider-Man standing outside of a hotel.

“Norma’s at Le Parker Meridien hotel have been so gracious to bring back one of their most exuberant dishes for our special episode,” Tony starts.

“And that is the ‘Zillion Dollar Frittata,’” Spider-Man finishes.

“This fancy omelette is filled with New York’s finest lobster and is piled high with $650 dollars worth of caviar.”

“Adding up to $1,000 dollars in total, this is perhaps the bougiest egg dish in modern history.” 

“That it is,” Tony says with a soft chuckle.

“I don’t think I’ve ever spent $1,000 dollars on anything in my entire life,” Spider-man says, thinking out loud.

“Let’s head in and get a taste of this exciting dish,” Tony says.

Cut to the two sitting in an extremely well-furnished, modern and elegant restaurant. They sit next to a large window.

“It’s smaller than I expected,” Spider-Man says.

“Well it’s jam packed with expensive flavor,” Tony responds.

“How do you even eat something like this?” Spider-Man pokes the dish with his fork.

“You savor the taste with tiny bites and slow chews.”

“Eating slow is my kryptonite! I can’t eat slow!” Spider-Man whines.

“Well you will now.”

The two cut into the frittata and clink forks before taking a small bite.

“Holy [BLEEP].” Spider-Man says, eyes wide. “That’s absolutely insane. That’s… that’s crazy. I can’t believe I just ate that.”

“The lobster tail is impeccable and the caviar is the perfect burst of flavor.”

“It’s like a super punch to the taste buds! It’s absolutely epic! It’s amazing!” Spider-Man exclaims.

Tony laughs. “I think someone likes it.”

“This is going to be part of the clean plate club,” Spider-Man says. He leans into the camera and puts a hand up to his mouth as he whispers. “Binging with Babish, if you wanna collab, I would  _ love  _ to.”

The video cuts to Tony and Spider-Man walking through the bustling streets of New York.

“Our second stop is my favorite hot dog stand in all of Queens. It is owned by a nice man named Randy Dietrich, and he makes his own relish!” says Spider-Man. “His hot dog stand has been rated 5 stars and has gotten the Spider-Man seal of approval.”

“Randy has many different topping offers at his stand, but what we are getting today is the ‘Kitchen Sink Dog.’” Tony continues.

“The “Kitchen Sink Dog” includes: caramelized onion, cheddar cheese, chili, dill pickles, and bacon.” Spider-Man’s suit eyes close. “My mouth is watering just thinking about it.” He looks to the camera. “This hot dog is the best thing to fill you up after a long day of running and crime fighting.”

“For the record, we do not condone anyone going crime fighting recreationally. That is dangerous and we are qualified in our field.”

“Gosh, buzzkill, Mr. Stark.” Spider-Man’s shoulders slouch.

“Gotta make sure we don’t get sued, kid.”

There’s another cut. They are at the hot dog cart. A bald, plump Swedish man smiles at the camera as he stands next to Tony and Spider-Man.

“So, Randy, tell us about your process when making the “Kitchen Sink Dog.””

“Well you see, I make big vat of chili in morning and save in warm place. Then I cook onion and save in warm place. Then I fry bacon and save in warm place. Finally, I steam hotdogs and save in warm place.”

“Sounds absolutely delicious,” Tony says.

“I made special for you two,” he says as he hands them the hot dogs wrapped in the shiny silver paper. “I hope you enjoy.”

“Oh we’re gonna enjoy.”

Cut to Tony and Spider-Man sitting on a bench, hot dogs in hand.

“Let’s dig in!” Spider-Man says. He moans as he took a bite of the hot dog. “Such good memories with this hot dog.”

Tony takes a polite bite of the hot dog, making sure not to spill on his Armani suit. “Oh, that  _ is _ good.”

“See! Told you! Best hot dog in Queens. No offense to the other hot dog stands. I’m sure you’re awesome too.” He takes another bite.  _ “And _ , it’s only four dollars.”

“Thank you Randy! Let’s move onto the expensive version.”

Camera cuts to Spider-Man and Tony standing in front of a fancy bistro.

“Up next is the seventy dollar hot dog,” Tony says. “This hot dog is a foot long hot dog at Bella Luna Bistro. This beef has been grilled in white truffle oil and is served in a salted pretzel bun toasted with the same white truffle butter and is topped with medallions of duck foie gras with black truffles and comes with a choice of black truffle Dijon mustard.”

“I don’t even know what some of those words mean,” Spider-Man says.

“The foie gras is duck liver,” Tony explains.

Spider-Man’s eyes went wide. “Liver?” He gags. “We’re gonna eat  _ liver? _ ”

“Liver is a delicacy when prepared properly,” Tony says.

“It’s still  _ liver. _ ”

The two take the hot dog from opposite sides and take a bite. Tony closes his eyes in satisfaction while Spider-Man’s eyes go wide.

“Wow. This is incredible. The flavor is immaculate. Never tasted anything like this before. The way it just melts in your mouth is exquisite. Ten out of ten will eat again.”

“That’s a meme, isn’t it?” Tony asks.

“It is indeed.” He takes another bite. “In all seriousness, the umami is just overwhelming and the seasoning is so nuanced yet so intricate.”

“Big words,” Tony says surprised.

“I watch a lot of cooking videos,” Spider-Man says with a shrug.

Cut to Spider-Man and Tony walking down the boardwalk.

“And now to dessert! Milkshakes,” Tony says.

“Milkshake fact!” Spider-Man says with a backflip. “According to The Guinness Book of World Records, in 2000 Ira Freehof, made the world’s largest milkshake. At six-thousand gallons it was the equivalent of fifty-thousand normal-sized shakes.”

“Huh,” Tony said, processing the fact. “Didn’t expect that.”

“We’re gonna go to my childhood favorite ice cream parlor: Carvour’s Creamery!” Spider-Man, vibrating in excitement. “Let’s go!”

Cut to a Tony and Spider-Man standing with a tall, dark-skinned man in a blue, red, and white striped shirt, almost resembling the Candy Man from  _ Willy Wonka. _

“Hi. I’m Michael Carvour, and I own Carvour’s Creamery. We pride ourselves in local and organic ingredients. What I’m recommending for you two today is our supreme milkshake. It’s a cookies and cream base with whipped cream topped with brownie bites, M&Ms, and Sander’s chocolate fudge. We typically sell these for eight dollars.”

“Well, we can’t wait to try it, Michael.”

Cut to the two sitting in a bright blue booth with two smoothies.

“Here at Carvour’s Creamery, they say the best way to consume their milkshakes is through a big straw as quick as you can,” Spider-Man explains. “So, that’s exactly what we’re gonna do!”

The two lean over the milkshakes. “Okay, 3, 2, 1… GO!”

Spider-Man starts coughing hard, Tony stopping in concern. “Spider-Man, are you okay?”

He waves his hand. “Went down Evil Avenue.”

“What?” Tony asks, confused.

“Swallowed it wrong. I’m good.” He smiles. “Death by milkshake. Drowned in the delicious milky goodness.”

Tony grins, a proud glitter in his eyes.

Cut to the two standing in a white restaurant decorated with grandiosity. 

“And we close our episode with the Luxe milkshake from Serendipity 3. With a base made with Jersey Milk, Tahitian vanilla ice cream, Devonshire Luxury Clotted Cream, and Madagascar vanilla beans, it is then topped with 23K edible gold, Jersey whipped cream, a rare caramel sauce called Le Cremose Baldizzone, and Luxardo Gourmet Maraschino cherries. And on top of that, it is served in a custom milkshake glass bedazzled with more than three thousand Swarovski crystals. This milkshake is sold for a whopping one thousand dollars.”

Spider-Man’s head continues to sway as he admires the glitter of the crystals in the light.

“Are you ready to try our last fancy dish, Underoos?” Tony asks.

Spider-Man pouts slightly. “I don’t want our day to end.”

Tony’s eyes soften. “We can still go out to eat together without a reason, bud.”

He perks up. “Really?”

“Of course, kid.”

He nods. “Okay. Let’s try this last dish. Or, drink.” He looks at the glass with furrowed brow. “Should we drink at the same time or…”

“Sorry, but I’d rather not share a milkshake with you like a teen girl on a movie date.”

He laughs. “Alright. Fair enough.” He takes a sip, melting in his seat. “Holy guacamole.”

“That good?” Tony asks. He takes a sip too, losing his professionalism for a moment as he enjoyed the delicacy. “Oh, that is good.”

“Is this how you live, Mr. Stark? Drinking a thousand dollar milkshakes on a Tuesday evening? Because if so, I envy you.”

“Oh, and you didn’t envy me before when I was just a billionaire, superhero, innovator.”

He scrunches his face. “You’re alright.”

Tony scoffs. “Alright? Just alright?”

Subtitles come on screen as a voice from behind the camera speaks up. “He has worshiped you since he was a kid. Used to wear an Iron Man mask everywhere he went.”

“Absolute betrayal!” Spider-Man says, glaring behind the camera as he sips the milkshake again.

“Well, one of us has a heart condition and one of us has a hypermetabolism and frequent exercise regime, so I think I’m gonna leave this milkshake for you, kiddo.”

Cut to Tony and Spider-Man sitting on the large balcony of the recreation level of the tower.

“So, Spider-Man, what do you think were the most worth it?” Tony asks.

“I gotta go all of the first dishes. Fancy food is really awesome, but if I had that kind of money, I don’t think I would spend it on something like that. You can find great food and stay in your budget, you know?”

Tony nods. “I totally agree. I loved those first dishes as much, maybe even more, than the more expensive alternatives.” 

Spider-Man turns to the camera. “Please go support the businesses that we showcased today! We hope you enjoyed. I’m Spider-Man—”

“And I’m Tony Stark—”

“And this has been  _ Worth It: Avengers Edition.” _

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to chat, my Tumblrs are official-impravidus, incorrectirondadquotes, and badmcufanficideas :)


End file.
